Miia - 7th May 2010 -
You are strong, and you will always win. No matter what happens...
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and POTS (aka Postural Orthastatic Tachycardia Syndrome). CFS means that my body has trouble getting the rest that it needs, so I'm constantly tired (to the point of no movement). As for POTS, that is the part that I have trouble dealing with. Even the slightest movement can make the room spin in circles or set my heart to racing and sometimes I ponder...
Is it going to stop?
At night, when I'm staring up at my ceiling, praying for my heart to calm down...it is all that I can think about. When I get up in the morning, and still feel like I haven't slept for days...it is all I can think about. When sitting on my bed pondering, can I make it to the bathroom before I fall over...it is all I can think about.
Life for me means taking it one hour or one minute at a time. There is no such thing as planning ahead to do something, because...
I. Just. Don't. Know.
When my friends are out living their lives, and I'm stuck inside all the time...it is all I can think about. When my brother talks about marching band, and I internally begin to cry because I wish I was there...it is all I can think about. When the doctor told me that this might not go away...it was all I could think about.
I hope it goes away.
But let me assure you, I AM NOT GIVING UP.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and POTS may have a hold of my life at the moment, but that won't last forever...I won't allow it. There are things in this life that I want to do, and I will not sit around because I "can't." I will get up (heart racing and all) and LIVE. MY. LIFE.
Go to college.
Get a job.
Fall in Love.
Have Children.
Live.
God has blessed me beyond compare, even though sometimes all I can see is darkness. He has given me a Mom who refuses to stop fighting for me, who makes me breakfast because I can't and who holds me tightly when I'm crying. He has given me a Dad who refuses to stop teasing me (in a good way) just because I'm sick and makes me smile, just because he's being weird.
God has blessed me with a brother, who has put up with my yelling, crying, and all around mood swings for the past four months and still tries to make me smile. God has blessed me with a church family, who prays for me like they breathe. :)
So once again, I'll say it...I'm not giving up and I'm not backing down. With the help of God, I will fight this to the bone because...
I am NOT my illness.
I Love You. May We Meet One Day And I Can Hug You...
You are strong, and you will always win. No matter what happens...
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and POTS (aka Postural Orthastatic Tachycardia Syndrome). CFS means that my body has trouble getting the rest that it needs, so I'm constantly tired (to the point of no movement). As for POTS, that is the part that I have trouble dealing with. Even the slightest movement can make the room spin in circles or set my heart to racing and sometimes I ponder...
Is it going to stop?
Hold on there my dear friend...
Here I am so take my hands...
Neither CFS nor POTS is stronger than you...
Because you're still standing and they see it too...
It will be hard, dear, but they know you are a strong person...
At night, when I'm staring up at my ceiling, praying for my heart to calm down...it is all that I can think about. When I get up in the morning, and still feel like I haven't slept for days...it is all I can think about. When sitting on my bed pondering, can I make it to the bathroom before I fall over...it is all I can think about.
Life for me means taking it one hour or one minute at a time. There is no such thing as planning ahead to do something, because...
I. Just. Don't. Know.
Dear you are never, never alone at night...
If they try to bother you, you know my spirit is at your side...
Do you realize the sun is shining only for you in the morning...?
Because it wants to give you light and keep you smiling...
Life is never forever, dear, but it is your life, it is your time... You do it as you will...
When my friends are out living their lives, and I'm stuck inside all the time...it is all I can think about. When my brother talks about marching band, and I internally begin to cry because I wish I was there...it is all I can think about. When the doctor told me that this might not go away...it was all I could think about.
I hope it goes away.
Honey even if the doctor told you it won't go away...
I wish you'd keep breathing even if you weakly sway...
Your true friends, they might not show it, but inside they keep it...
A never-ending love so deep for you, only waiting for time to reveal it..
And God, also, hideously loved you more than us... He just loved you too much...
But let me assure you, I AM NOT GIVING UP.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and POTS may have a hold of my life at the moment, but that won't last forever...I won't allow it. There are things in this life that I want to do, and I will not sit around because I "can't." I will get up (heart racing and all) and LIVE. MY. LIFE.
Go to college.
Get a job.
Fall in Love.
Have Children.
Live.
It's the best pleasure to know that you wont give up, never...
To know that you will live your life and be happy, forever...
For you need to know that you're an angel, deep inside...
And no evil nor demon may win, because they're trapped outside...
I will be one of the luckiest person to know you live dear, to smile at you when you smile at me...
God has blessed me beyond compare, even though sometimes all I can see is darkness. He has given me a Mom who refuses to stop fighting for me, who makes me breakfast because I can't and who holds me tightly when I'm crying. He has given me a Dad who refuses to stop teasing me (in a good way) just because I'm sick and makes me smile, just because he's being weird.
God has blessed me with a brother, who has put up with my yelling, crying, and all around mood swings for the past four months and still tries to make me smile. God has blessed me with a church family, who prays for me like they breathe. :)
So once again, I'll say it...I'm not giving up and I'm not backing down. With the help of God, I will fight this to the bone because...
I am NOT my illness.
Needless to say now, you are better than the luckiest...
God, He cares for you and gifted you with people and His lovers...
Those sickness' know they're already losing so bad, and panting...
You've known the deepest secret of life and they're just nothing...
Because you are strong, my dear... And you will always, always WIN...
I Love You. May We Meet One Day And I Can Hug You...
No comments:
Post a Comment