Back up to life.

Mia - 25th July 2010 -

You found me when I was as fragile as an old, cracking glass, marooned silenced on the empty street, abandoned like an invisible dust. The sun didn't seem to be able to illuminate anymore sunshine for the crying, broken heart.

You found me when I stumbled down the folded grasses, crashed quietly into the full bushes, hidden perfectly as I was coated with red, dried blood showing no mercy towards my painful suffering. It was true, the sun no longer seemed to be able to illuminate anymore bright light to the darkening, blackness of the lonely heart.

The wound was too long to be there, pasted permanently into my heart, like an invisible scar unable to be washed away, became my most loyal friend throughout the rest of the journey of my life. But you have caught me, Gave me those vanished loves, gave me back my losing senses, so that I could turn my face to you, to give my heart for you and sworn my life for you.

There was nothing I could do, to shake my head while our eyes locked into each other, when you touched me, gave me the tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach, and kissed me your breath while our hands grasped each other tightly, and gave me the meaning of my life back into the reality.

Somehow in the dark, you turn on a candle light to shine the heart, who had died for such a long time, you gave spirit towards the broken, flying soul, and woke it up from all the hallucination of eerie nightmares.

You woke me back up into life. My precious life...

Realization.

Mia - 25th July 2010 -

Without me realizing it...

I fell in love for the countless time again. When our gazes unified on one target of view to the clear, blue sky, painting every bright smile, sprinkling color full of rainbows, spreading the unreadable reasons of life. And I know I was born for you, whilst you sculpt a beautiful world, beyond every little watercolors, knowing that you were my guiding light, the pair of eyes for me to see the right path. There was no more darkness, as you shine the night bright, like angels being adorned in holy and love. As we all knew, in this gifted and miraculous life, nothing was perfect. Black and white was always there accompanying us in every step we took, every words we said, every movement we made. I would say an oath to die for you, my dear. As I owe you my life. There would be no other substitution, of my love for you, neither the huge land nor the deep sea. Because I would just unite them, and sat down on my knees whilst bowing my head down, as I spoke my most affectionate love for you, and spread my hands out to present you how much you have my heart.

Without me realizing it...

Coma.

Mia - 21st July 2010 -

Drinks the blood greedily, eats the heart voraciously, drains the antibody completely and more over, kills the organs softly. Pulls the innocent soul of an unconscious person out into the cold air slowly. The job of an invisible evil, yet active and sickly rapid. Even the name brings the most awkward and disheartening atmosphere when being spoken out loud. Can easily stops the heart beat for a dead second whilst the aura of the chills last. Simply twists the mind of a stranger in grasping fright and give fears to the conscious just with the single, passing noun.

Leaves the helpless person motionless, untangled on the bed of white sheet and arms full with wired of liquid tubes and horrible chemicals. Skins as pale as a ghostly girl floating on the grave waiting for the moonlight to shine her. Chest keeps moving to the rhythm of the breathing, but everything else inside and outside of the body is dying. They say it's just for a little while, whilst waiting for it to escape from the sleeping soul and awakens the person back to the loud, adventurous reality. Temporarily dead. Squared-room filled with deafening silence and the beeping heartbeat and rating on the modern technology's screen. The journey of a heart who's about to continue or to end.

But this noun - this evil - is not the single, fine line between the miraculous life and the sentenced death. Therefore the helpless soul is actually not afraid of it. Of the deafening threats and blinding, invisible job. He and she has only known it, new and an unwilling stranger, not a true or real friend. It is just a hallucination from an unwanted dream. It's just too strong that it succeed in dragging and pulling the soul into the blackness of the ugly dark. Seeding the sharp, endless fear inside a pure heart, and deadly, firing scenes inside a beautiful mind. Almost like an apocalypse, conquering whilst the poor, two feet are lost in fighting the battlefield. The best persuader in the world when it comes to crushing an innocent life. Best persuader, strong hallucinations. But truth to be told, it is just not powerful enough.

When the innocent soul is lying there not moving, all the loving, caring and passionate ones are loyal to the end. They shed their precious tears out, shut their natural eyes and fold their hands together to perform a prayer, whispering words of awakening and full spirit, shining the brightest light towards the darkness, and even sleep their heads on the bed full of white, scary sheet. Their painful cries, forcing smiles, sincere prayers and honest words are the most powerful strength in this world. It's powerful enough to pull the soul back into the bright light and the reality of sweetness and bitterness. Feeling all the pain of the loved ones while laying there unattached is enough to wake one without any loud surprise.

All the love in the world is struggling to find it's real place back when everyone suddenly connect together to pray for each other. The link and the bond is the strongest connection. Whilst the reality is returning, somehow there is consequences. It's to be told that when this kind of situation happen, it actually depends on the soul to take the decision and to make the right choice. After all, what makes a man a man? It's not the choices he had, it's the decision that he makes, it's not how he start things, but it's how he end things. In the end, honesty wins whilst fallibility losses. The loyal ones stands straight with even stronger power as the evil is about to hide itself in shame and a life full of sin. And victory is right there at that moment when the innocent soul finally wakes up from the temporary dead.

Coma.

Exhaustion.

Mia - 22nd June 2010 -

You know what?
Someday I'm just so tired with this life
I let the exhaustion get inside my restless mind
Then I keep making the happiness slipping away
Inviting the sadness to burden my droop shoulders
Making sure I let my self suffer with drooling pain
Forgetting how to remind my self with horrible angst
Then there's time where I let my tears drowned me
Stopping my hands from drying those bloody floods
Moments where I just sat alone in my square room
When the world outside has stop being fair and round
Playing my violin with fast track and tune of madness
Hurting my head with aching blows on the strings
Singing classic songs in the cold, frozen shower
Draining my self with storms and piercing rainwater
Writing nonstop on the same paper everyday
Ignoring the bleeding fingers that stench my cheeks
Staring hopelessly on the street at night of solitary
Dancing my feet on tap-tap like I'm so in love crazily
Letting the insomnia change it self
Becoming the unbearable insanity.

And then guess what?
I still can't stop motivating my own self
Telling my mind to calm down with starry stares
Caressing my own heart with my palms
Slowing it's beating with soft, begging words
Making sure my eyes can see beautiful, little light
At night where I don't have to feel so alone
Pulling a little smile on my face as to when I write
So my words are strong, lovely imagery poetic figure
Then forcing my self to greet every strangers
On the lonely street so I don't have to feel left out
Take one or two tissues to erase my tears
And let the rainwater be my inspiration instead
Asking each family to tell me what to do
Trying to do what they answered to that
Meeting the only true friend under the blue skies
Holding onto his arms telling him how much he means
Meeting the only light beside his eternal bed
Telling stories and remembering him of beautiful memories
Then try hard to escape from all this tragedies
Because there are tragical loneliness out there
So whilst I try to inhale an air so deep
That I'm able let it out slowly with care
And close my eyes with the intentions to sleep
Hoping that the next morning will be a better day.

Idk.

Mia- June 22, 2010

It is just it is.

None of us human are born perfectly. But we shall never regret for everything has happen and it just happens. We all must have been through an ordeal differently, or get the same tragedy as long as we breathe. They just never stop and never beckons down as these tragedies will drown us to suffer pain and anger. It all seems so hopeless as we have no real control to that, as though life has no meaning anymore. Then there's the feeling of giving up, surrendering, exhaustion to the realization of waking up to the same events every morning and sleep through the same nightmares every night. Every time we go through the hardest part of life as for losing people, we'll ask a question that'll be unanswered. Why should we live if we'll be dead in the end? What's the point? What? Then when the feeling of butterfly-tickling love supposed to grow, instead the angst, ugly hate invented it self alone inside from the core of our heart. From all the solitary moment, the regret, the madness, the illogical preference of all that happen in our life makes us blind, turns us into a heartless man. Then there's another questions unanswered. Why had this happen? What did I do wrong? Why? Perhaps love is beautiful and loneliness is tragical. Whilst hate is ugly and pain is lovely. Then again, what about those times where we are suddenly happy and we forget how it feels to be sad? Even for that one moment in a day. Why do we always remembered the harsh, sadness memories whilst setting aside those happiest, warming memories? Stupid as it is, it is life. It's controlled by how we take things, how we act into each and every events, how we responded to one at a time. Fair or not, it's life. Is it not? Questions unanswered, love and hate, pain and anger, sadness and happiness, memories and moments, loneliness and friendliness. Such a perfect harmony so long gone just because of a single unfair events. Peaceful is gone. War to come. When a baby's born, so helpless and weak. Crying and screaming of the children, frightening and fearing. The cut and slash of the men, guns and pistols shooting of armies. Helpless women running, silence that continued to be deafening. The elders, handicapped people get all the discrimination. Heartless people laughter as loud as anything else, above everything else. Teenagers turn homeless, parents becoming ignorance. Stealing, fighting, slapping, stabbing, slaughtering, killing. Customs and beliefs becoming arguments, debated over the news, and such beautiful things can turn into an anger in the community and raised yet another democracy. Useless. Religions, supposed to be respected to each other, becomes one of the reason why stupid, useless, illogical war happened these days. Oh dear. As if it is all a daily basic affair. What a world. What a world, and what have we become? Funny thinking there's only about less than five percent of the world's population that honestly want to think about peacefulness in this era. If it's not too late that is. Does all this hopes, wishes and prayers enough? But then, as long as we're alive, breathing, we just can't give up. We just never give up. Hoping for the impossible, dreaming for the horrible. Because it's life.

It is just it is.