'Till the time comes.

Mia - 10th May 2010 -

Little one; 'Till the time comes, I'll stand by you forever... :)

Hey Mario... :)
It's been five and a half years since we met each other right? Remember when first father brought you to meet us at the orphanage, the way you looked so frightened, hiding behind mummy, and squeezing daddy's hand. You looked so cute, and you still are. With your reddish-brown hair, bright, chocolate eyes and fair skin you came from the U.K. bringing us some delightful, lovely British scent. You are one of my most favorite adopted little brother, I am so, so lucky to know you Mario... :)

You're always silent all the time, and it's always alright with me. The first time I knew that, I quickly tried to search in the internet how to learn sign language so I would have a special way to talk with you, and when I did learn how, six months later, we began to talk. We began to have our long, deep conversations together on the swing. There was time where you didn't want to talk, instead you just kept looking to my hands movement, wildly, while your eyes smiled as you drank your milk from the baby bottle. You looked so fragile... So innocent, Mario... :)

I remembered all your first times with me. First time we talk with sign language and you smiled in excitement because I understood what you were saying, and the first time I took you out on a small trip within the Orphanage's area, where you hop eagerly up and down and told me the Orphanage is like a heaven. There was also the first time we saw rainbow after the rain together, the first time I read a book for you near the window while the rain was pouring heavily outside, the first time you came into my bedroom and slept in my bed, the first time you ate my pasta, the first time you and me sat together on your bed watching over my laptop showing you deviantART and the first time you told me you've never seen such a colourful works of drawing and pictures. And you even told me something I've never thought of, "I really want to be like them. I want to draw and to to have camera to color with such colorful colors." Mario... Did you remember that?

There was time, I was broken heart, and like every other weekend, I kept on coming to visit all my siblings in the orphanage. I was a little down, a little too caught up with my stupid, lame problems, but the first glimpse of your innocent, sweet face has already made me smile widely. Where you took my hands and asked me to play my violin for you, or the keyboard, or just played the words quizzes with you. By then, I've forgotten about my silly days, and it put me to realization, where I don't even have a reason to be sad, I have you and your other brothers and sisters, I have our family, and you have us all, it's just more than enough to light my day up the first thing in the morning. Thank you so much Mario, for bringing me happiness... :)

I also remembered the first time I knew about your sickness from our parents Mario... They've kept it a secret and only told me about 2 and a half years ago, where I was built up, and you too, grown up already like a big, little boy, already getting taller only a little thinner than the others. They told me about it...one night, where we were talking about you and your siblings in our kitchen. I couldn't help it, dear, but I had to cry... I didn't want to but I did.. I couldn't help letting my tears flow even though I knew you wouldn't ever like that. It's just that.. I want you to know I feel your pain, even though it must be harder for you, so young, and so vulnerable, yet you've been hiding all your pain behind that mask of a beautiful, smiling face. All those years you've went through alone... Mario... I am so so sorry... :')

Now, you're lying on the hospital's bed, your hair's all shaved off, living only little patch for the doctor to be able to wired inside from your head a little easier. And your head's bandaged all over to the forehead. But then you're still smiling, your face still lit up whenever you see us visiting you. I feel like I want to cry and kneed down in front of you and hold your hand and just ask your sickness to exchange it's place to me.. Really.. but nothing like that nonsense would ever happen right, Mario? There you go, not crying, still strong feature that kept lighting my days and nights... And me, the healthy one, I cried like I was going to die..when you were the one who suffer. Oh Mario... they told me you don't have much more time.. I want to go with you.. it's going to be so lonely without you sweetheart..but, but... Mario.. :)

I knew you didn't want me to bear that kind of situation, I knew you always want me to keep going, even when you're gone. You told me that the other day, you said, "If I am an angel... Like you said, then I will have to fly one day, free like a bird. That sounds fun! But, what about you? You cannot fly and you cannot follow me. So you're going to keep going here and live here with our brothers and sisters. Okay?" And those smile you gave me... I didn't know if you know about your pain, but it seemed like you ignore it, and it seemed like you know you're going to leave me one day. But until now sweetie, until now, I'm always here.. always be by your side. I love you so much Mario... :')

So 'till the time comes... I will stand by you. Try not to cry, little one. I will be there holding your hands, every day of every hour of every minute of every second, I will always be close to your heart, close to your side. If you feel the pain, I will squeeze your hands tight, and kiss your cheeks and whispers I love you. If it's time for you to rest...I will be singing beautiful song that you always love to hear and pray that you will be flying free like a bird and free with no pain at all. You deserve no pain at all, Mario, only happiness. Smile for me now sweetheart.

'Till the time comes... I'll always be there for the rest of your life Mario.. :)
I love you, little one... :)