Back up to life.

Mia - 25th July 2010 -

You found me when I was as fragile as an old, cracking glass, marooned silenced on the empty street, abandoned like an invisible dust. The sun didn't seem to be able to illuminate anymore sunshine for the crying, broken heart.

You found me when I stumbled down the folded grasses, crashed quietly into the full bushes, hidden perfectly as I was coated with red, dried blood showing no mercy towards my painful suffering. It was true, the sun no longer seemed to be able to illuminate anymore bright light to the darkening, blackness of the lonely heart.

The wound was too long to be there, pasted permanently into my heart, like an invisible scar unable to be washed away, became my most loyal friend throughout the rest of the journey of my life. But you have caught me, Gave me those vanished loves, gave me back my losing senses, so that I could turn my face to you, to give my heart for you and sworn my life for you.

There was nothing I could do, to shake my head while our eyes locked into each other, when you touched me, gave me the tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach, and kissed me your breath while our hands grasped each other tightly, and gave me the meaning of my life back into the reality.

Somehow in the dark, you turn on a candle light to shine the heart, who had died for such a long time, you gave spirit towards the broken, flying soul, and woke it up from all the hallucination of eerie nightmares.

You woke me back up into life. My precious life...

Exhaustion.

Mia - 22nd June 2010 -

You know what?
Someday I'm just so tired with this life
I let the exhaustion get inside my restless mind
Then I keep making the happiness slipping away
Inviting the sadness to burden my droop shoulders
Making sure I let my self suffer with drooling pain
Forgetting how to remind my self with horrible angst
Then there's time where I let my tears drowned me
Stopping my hands from drying those bloody floods
Moments where I just sat alone in my square room
When the world outside has stop being fair and round
Playing my violin with fast track and tune of madness
Hurting my head with aching blows on the strings
Singing classic songs in the cold, frozen shower
Draining my self with storms and piercing rainwater
Writing nonstop on the same paper everyday
Ignoring the bleeding fingers that stench my cheeks
Staring hopelessly on the street at night of solitary
Dancing my feet on tap-tap like I'm so in love crazily
Letting the insomnia change it self
Becoming the unbearable insanity.

And then guess what?
I still can't stop motivating my own self
Telling my mind to calm down with starry stares
Caressing my own heart with my palms
Slowing it's beating with soft, begging words
Making sure my eyes can see beautiful, little light
At night where I don't have to feel so alone
Pulling a little smile on my face as to when I write
So my words are strong, lovely imagery poetic figure
Then forcing my self to greet every strangers
On the lonely street so I don't have to feel left out
Take one or two tissues to erase my tears
And let the rainwater be my inspiration instead
Asking each family to tell me what to do
Trying to do what they answered to that
Meeting the only true friend under the blue skies
Holding onto his arms telling him how much he means
Meeting the only light beside his eternal bed
Telling stories and remembering him of beautiful memories
Then try hard to escape from all this tragedies
Because there are tragical loneliness out there
So whilst I try to inhale an air so deep
That I'm able let it out slowly with care
And close my eyes with the intentions to sleep
Hoping that the next morning will be a better day.

Idk.

Mia- June 22, 2010

It is just it is.

None of us human are born perfectly. But we shall never regret for everything has happen and it just happens. We all must have been through an ordeal differently, or get the same tragedy as long as we breathe. They just never stop and never beckons down as these tragedies will drown us to suffer pain and anger. It all seems so hopeless as we have no real control to that, as though life has no meaning anymore. Then there's the feeling of giving up, surrendering, exhaustion to the realization of waking up to the same events every morning and sleep through the same nightmares every night. Every time we go through the hardest part of life as for losing people, we'll ask a question that'll be unanswered. Why should we live if we'll be dead in the end? What's the point? What? Then when the feeling of butterfly-tickling love supposed to grow, instead the angst, ugly hate invented it self alone inside from the core of our heart. From all the solitary moment, the regret, the madness, the illogical preference of all that happen in our life makes us blind, turns us into a heartless man. Then there's another questions unanswered. Why had this happen? What did I do wrong? Why? Perhaps love is beautiful and loneliness is tragical. Whilst hate is ugly and pain is lovely. Then again, what about those times where we are suddenly happy and we forget how it feels to be sad? Even for that one moment in a day. Why do we always remembered the harsh, sadness memories whilst setting aside those happiest, warming memories? Stupid as it is, it is life. It's controlled by how we take things, how we act into each and every events, how we responded to one at a time. Fair or not, it's life. Is it not? Questions unanswered, love and hate, pain and anger, sadness and happiness, memories and moments, loneliness and friendliness. Such a perfect harmony so long gone just because of a single unfair events. Peaceful is gone. War to come. When a baby's born, so helpless and weak. Crying and screaming of the children, frightening and fearing. The cut and slash of the men, guns and pistols shooting of armies. Helpless women running, silence that continued to be deafening. The elders, handicapped people get all the discrimination. Heartless people laughter as loud as anything else, above everything else. Teenagers turn homeless, parents becoming ignorance. Stealing, fighting, slapping, stabbing, slaughtering, killing. Customs and beliefs becoming arguments, debated over the news, and such beautiful things can turn into an anger in the community and raised yet another democracy. Useless. Religions, supposed to be respected to each other, becomes one of the reason why stupid, useless, illogical war happened these days. Oh dear. As if it is all a daily basic affair. What a world. What a world, and what have we become? Funny thinking there's only about less than five percent of the world's population that honestly want to think about peacefulness in this era. If it's not too late that is. Does all this hopes, wishes and prayers enough? But then, as long as we're alive, breathing, we just can't give up. We just never give up. Hoping for the impossible, dreaming for the horrible. Because it's life.

It is just it is.

Judgement.

Mia - 20th June 2010 -

My, my, my, I wonder why
I can hear your dirty secrets in my mind
Haunting and ghostly like those red wine
Lusty as ever as your soft words rhyme
Begging on your knees like I'm doing crime
Whispering on my ears to show you what I am.

My, my, my, I wonder why
Your filthy mind claim to tell how easy I seems
Rabid thinking of owning me in your imaginary dream
Of touching my curves and feeling the sleek of my slim
The running of your fingers on my back and skins
You think I'm that smooth I'll melt like some hot ice-cream.

My, my, my, I wonder why
How can you be so stupid to judge my body easily
You get blinded from the lust you're losing to me
I may look soft but I don't think you know what I can be
A man can get crushed inside a woman's hands freely
And it looks like I'm going to do that to you baby.

Story.

Mia - 19th June 2010 -

Time's slowly fading away my dear
Leaving behind the story of us to be
Your smile will be in my heart forever
It'll erase all the loneliness inside me

I suddenly remember the moment
Where we were laughing together
It's still safe inside my heart's diary
One day it'll tell everyone our story

Once upon a time there's you and me
And we used to be together in harmony
Beautiful stories of those memories
For when we're sad, and when we're glad.

I miss you.

I'm Done.

Mia - 19th June 2010 -

At this time of night, where I sat alone in my room, my mind couldn't help but to begin thinking about everything that happened around me, rewinding the days back, the events that occurred, logically or not, and those hours I've just passed through. Didn't matter if they were useless. It seemed like I stayed, unmoved, whilst the world was spinning around me like the unstoppable ticking of the wall clock's needles. Where outside I could feel my self becoming number as the minute moved on, the chill crawling beneath my vulnerable skins, but the blood inside my veins were burning hot, still flowing through every cells just like the strongest waves of the ocean, the nonstop streaming of the river's head and the uncontrollable waterfalls.

I don't believe with whatever you give to me anymore. I'm done. I'm stranded here, cornered to the edge, waiting for the perfect momentum to fade. I don't believe about going to the bright, orange sun anymore. I'm done. It used to be able enlightened the dark corner of my heart, but it is my biggest fear now to let my iris catches it's rays. I stopped hoping and waited for the darkness to conquer me. There's just no more love here, so why should I live when there's only pain here. If ever the happiness is created before, I wasn't sure why there should be black, when white could be a better fun, a better joy. I'm done. See you all someday, until we meet again.

I'm just going to go home now, to where I originally come from. Without rancor, I'll accept my losing, the feeling of being defeated. Not wanting to call my self a coward, because I've tried. I've tried everything with all that I have, sacrificing everything I have left. Yet there's just no other way. This could be the last, could be the first. I just wanted to go home and be safe there, lying with all soils, dead plants and ashing animals around me. Without rancor, someday someone will salute my winnings. Because I'm done.

I'm done.

Paralyzed.

Mia - 16th june 2010 -

Please blow away the wind of the night
Let it take my song and pass it around
Far enough that I can't hear anything else
Just the wind blowing carelessly
I am an adventurer for now
Seeking for every meaning
Given for me with nothing free
I will try as long as I'm breathing
I'm like a violin without it's strings
If you don't complete me alone
I beg for you to stay here and never leave
Stretch of white sands waiting for me
Every reef on the sea cry with tears
If I really can't make you paralyzed
Please hug me tightly now
Touch every of my fingertips
Let your broken wings fly
High above with me in the sky
Across the clouds to the heaven
Take and lead me to your peaceful life
Fly, fly, fly with me.

Ways Of Life

Mia - 16th June 2010 -

_{I'm used to calmly keep
Smiling
Even though my heart is
Crying.
You're the certain special, secret
Story
The I write with blood inside my
Heart.
You will be there and never will be
Erased
As you're my beautiful light here
Forever.
Forget everything leave them
All
When I will be calm and you are
Gone.
I will hug you tight in your
Spirit
You know now it's just the way of
Life.}

Nightly Butterfly

<sub>Mia - 16th June 2010 -

Some of us hate her
Few of us needed her
Some of us knelt down to love her
But most of us heartlessly tortured her

The story line of the streetwalker's life
Seeking money to pay for her souls
Lips smile seducing with soft words begging
To each and every of those who came
Is it a sin what she is doing?
Are they holy enough those who ask?
Does it matter because there's nothing else
This is the story line of the Nights Butterfly's life

Sometimes she smiles in her tears
Sometimes she cries in her smiles
Then she said to herself :
Oh what happened, happened.
God helps when He wants to help.
Fair or not I don't have choice.
I only know how to continue my life.
As a Nightly Butterfly Woman.</sub>

Space.

Mia - 16th June 2010 -

Participating the leaves that gently flowing
Carried by the rivers to the end of the eyes
And I began to fear the born of losing
Inhaling a missing space it crushed my chest
Making my curved ways trying to touch you
Oh warmth did I feel inside my heart
I held it tight to me and stopped the time
Nevertheless it did not stop you walking away
Never did I doubt and always I remembered
The cast and warmth that your eyes gave
Though your touches were cold and frozen
I was at that time frightened to seek the meaning
Of growing alone within a space of missing
You came and went inside my mind
Just like that every day without a message
Accepting you and the way you behave
I did not cry when you came
Nor did I break into some kind of madness
But as soon as you decided to go away
Shutting my eyes with my heart whispering
I prayed we met each other in the space of missing

oh, help.

<sub>Mia - 16th June 2010 -

Oh, help me
I'm drowning
So broke up inside.

I have fought to struggle
Not to break or to fall down
While I must stand alone on my own.
Believe me, do you?

When I wander out lost
Wondering if I could survive the pain
I want to rain heavily that the world could sink
For the burden's too heavy on my shoulders.

Where I fell and I broke
Waking up by the desire of anger
I want to storm hard that the world could tear apart
For the scar's too deep inside my heart.

I have failed while I tried
Burning inside I wanted to scream
It kills me not being able to be strong for you.
Forgive me, will you?

Oh, help me
I'm drowning
So broke up inside.</sub>

Drinks and Drugs

Mia -12th June 2010 -

Drinks and drugs are my things
Things that greatly inspire me
Inspire me with stunning words
Words that I can inked down
Down inside my scrap notebook.

Perhaps my addiction is getting stronger
Stronger like when it immersed me
Immersed me with my deeper emotions
Emotions in which I always wish to let out
Let out just to be creative or just to be
To be satisfied over my own feelings.

Cigarettes, beer or coffee in a hand
A hand while the other one is writing
Writing as fast and as much as possible
Possible enough to fill the empty paper
Paper that will be a proof to me one day
One day where I wake up and realize
Realize that it was my writing
My writing for when I am on
On my drinks and drugs.

Pitying over my self
My self while reading it
Reading it and smiling
Smiling because I feel
Feel satisfied over those
Those emotional words
Creativity with uniqueness
Uniqueness that makes me
Makes me proud on my own
My own drugs and my own drinks.

Missing.

Mia - 12th June 2010 -

I keep walking without stopping.
And you even have gone leaving.
I pray in the middle of the beautiful world.
I pray for you that I will always miss a lot.

Begging for you to stay here.
And you will not leave me, ever.
Coated in the middle of the world's coldness.
Coated with you that I always miss ever since.

Begging for you to stay here.
And you will not leave me, ever.
Keep singing, na na na na na...
Keep singing for you that I miss so much.

Beg.

Mia - 12th June 2010 -

Whenever I think of you,
Too far in the eyes,
Closer to the heart,
The thoughts about visiting,
Though there will be differences,
For the journey will be dangerous,
Because you are in heaven,
And I am in fantasy of hell reality.

Whenever I think of you,
Too far in the eyes,
Closer to the heart,
Will it be the same for you,
The desire of meeting again,
When you watch me from above,
As I smile beneath my tears,
And cry beneath my laughter.

If I am still able to speak now,
I have polite words to be spoken,
If people ever despise you for you,
I will stand by you and praise yourself,
Guardian will be me, angel will be you,
You were still young when you left,
So please forgive me when I beg,
Beg for you to come back.

The former.

Mia - 12th June 2010 -

I used to be the person that you praised
The person that you dear the most
As you said I was the best champion
That you would always love.

Now that the wheels spin around.

You began to despise me these days
Throwing me away from your life
Letting me suffer my own dirty blood
Inside the suffocation of forever.

Because now the wheels really spin around.

Where had your sweet promises gone?
Telling me you will always be loving me
Until the last second of my breaths.
Now you had really left me
When I was slumped alone
On the corner of the silent street.

There I was... The former.
There I was... Your ex.

Where had your sweet promises gone?
Willing to be loyal until my own death
Now you had really left me
When I was falling and I was alone.

There I was... The former.
There I was... Your ex.

Sick of the loneliness slicing
When all the love just vanish.

Where had your sweet promises gone?

What have I done?

Mia - 9th June 2010 -

We have done and try it all, but there seems no hope at all.

Someday, these days, children, teenagers or adult, there are just no barriers to what differentiate us. When one falls down, two fall together. If you think you have been through so much in life, through the strongest waves of the ocean and the loudest strikes of lightning, you may as well listen to what others have achieved while they stand on the peak of the mountain, falling down, or sitting down in the middle of nowhere, broken heart. So when life treats you bad, you may as well listen to someone elses.

Remembrance to the past, strengthens the future.

Should we be blind for some reason, towards the wonderment that the world has yet to offer us and let it all takes us by surprise? Or shall we be the face without a name, and a soul without a breath towards each other? There are unopened doors with hidden keys thrown somewhere. These keys, eventually, are not only for the doors, but what leads us to behind the frame. The key for us to open our eyes, and give a chance to anything and anyone to come to ourselves, seeking for either pleasure or pain. But knowing that you would not be able to go anywhere because we are all living in one planet. Why cannot we hold each others, no matter young or old, sexualities or even religions. When things happen, it happens, and this will be our own book of history towards the eternity later.

Flames to dust; lovers to friends.

Everything just feels like breaking down. Of course, with you not letting your self to help or to be helped. What is the point of living when you keep telling yourself you are alone? And in heart whispering : If you go, then so will I. It is not our aim. Failing will always happen as long as we are alive, pain and cruelty will never leave us alone. They could even be our very close friend. But lets think of the opposite ways; these feelings, they are the one who will lead us to be able to choose what we wants, whether good or bad, positive or negative. From pain, cruelty, anger, leads to true friends, love and happiness. Blaming is only to be accused to your self whenever accidents happened. Do not point your finger to someones faces, instead, point it back to your self and ask your heart ; What have I done?

Hopeless Romantic

Mia - 9th June 2010 -

Being a hopeless romantic girl
she walks down the barren road alone
only to be accompanied invisibly
with the diamonds up on the sky
at a breezy night with droplets
where no one really know who she is.

The small boots of hers make a sound
too loud beneath her that she cringes
every time it attracts people s attention
and when she smiles at them sweetly
their sincere reply will always cool her down
but nothing is strong enough to freeze her.

Both her hands tight inside her pocket
the denim jeans and baggy shirt she wears
covered her body during the hot summer
where she suppose to have pub party
yet she cannot stop her exhausted mind
to keep thinking about her lonely heart.

How she wishes so badly right now
if only the man of her dream walks beside her
holding her soft yet cold hands in a grip
kissing her full lips that never been kissed
to trace the contour of her heart from her skins
and to tell her just how much she means to him.

Keep Singing...

Mia - 8th June 2010 -

hey hey hey...
its time to return, time to follow your heart
hey hey hey...
its time to sing, to intone your dreams today

let your hum colour the world
and allow the time to taste what you would offer

scatter the love and kept on singing
sing a song that will entertain their hearts
the lonely hearts that continues to grieve
sadness that still haunts them invisibly
life is short than most have thought
now temporarily forget everything
everything would have ended
where eventually we will return

hey hey hey...
its time to play with our wild dreaming
hey hey hey...
you dont need to confront all that bothers you

dont this life is one journey that never ends?

so sing my song
and sing your song
forever we kept singing
lets go na na na na...

Be my friend...

Mia - 8th June 2010 -

it is not easy for us to confront ourselves
to the significant difference we have
and nor does it easy for us
to pass all the successive hurdles.

you are still standing
I am still here
showing the world
the meaning of friends.

you are a true friend
we are true friends
face the world
hold my hands.

it s never easy for us to realize
what our heart wants to share
never easy for us to understand
while we are listening to each other.

but you are...

where i share my story
where i give all my history
so be part of my life
whether you are perfect
or as imperfect as you think
please just be my friend
and together we face the world.

Before the Light...

Mia - 8th June 2010 -

I remembered the heart
Studded and coated with dreams
Oh, where did you go love?
The silent journey
That you traveled alone
Oh, strengthen your heart, love.
Reminding you to
Ostentatious morning dew
Who accompany you before the light
Tender wind that blows
Over your skins and through your heart
That will caress your love
Oh, caress you, love.
Forces which hold the promised heart
Do hold my hand, love
I was not going to leave you alone
Love accompany your hearts to remind you
The ostentatious morning dew
And the tender wind that blows
Who accompany you before the light.

Oh, before the light, love.