June 15th, 2010.

Mia - 15th June 2010 -

Today was cloudy, windy, sad, dark and slow.

It had been thirty days since Mario went to heaven.

I was not surprised that no one in my siblings remembered today, I have had guessed that. Perhaps my parents, but they were busy in Paris for their Orphanage business, and maybe they prayed for him. Maybe. It had been thirty days, and ever since that, I still could never take Mario out of my mind for a single day. Each and every day that I passed through, he would always be running through my brain. His name would be repeatedly announced out of my lips, his memories would never stop replaying inside my mind. And every time he visited me like that, spiritually, tears would still pouring down my cheeks, and though I am happy that he is in heaven, away from all the pain, I could not stop begging for him to come back, begging silently. Hoping that he might listen to me, hoping that one day, I could watch him growing up into a man, still as my little brother, but a man of his own, success and happy.

But maybe he is happy, somewhere above there.

The cemetery where he was buried was only a few miles away from my home. It was dawn, early morning when I started walking from my house straight to the cemetery. I had to work today, but earlier yesterday, I called to announce that I would be late coming in. The morning was cold and raining lightly, the sun was not up yet. I used to take a bus from the bus stop near my village, but I decided I would take the one closer to the cemetery. I wanted to visit Mario today. I always passed by his cemetery and looked at his grave from far away inside the bus, but today, I want to sit beside him for awhile, and to tell him some stories... just like what I used to do every night he wanted to go to sleep. And so that was what I did. It was not long after I sat beside his grave and broke off.

The day was not black, it was not even raining. But I wish it was. I wish it was black so no one could see that I was crying. I wish it was raining so every one would mistaken my tears were actually the rainwater. But I did tell him some stories, as I sat there alone, kneeling beside him, and did not take the matter of anything around me. I told him about what have I did everyday, what was happening at the orphanage, I told him about the beauty of the sunset, and remind him our memories together and I sang his favorite song. I was not even scared with the empty cemetery like I used to be. With Mario in the middle of the crushing, dead corpse, I felt slightly brave. Though whenever the realizations hit me, that he was one of them, I was weak all over again that I could not stand.

When I sat on the nearest bench and let my eyes cried anymore tears that it wanted to, I heard footsteps from behind me. I turned around to find a mixture blood of English and Malayan guy climbing the stairs down from the upper cemetery. I was a little surprised with that, as I thought the cemetery was empty; he must have come earlier. And it seemed to me that he was so lost in his own thought that he did not see me as he sat on the bench. And like always, my own feeling was defeated and my heart broke whenever I saw a person who was alone, sad, crying, or even in silent, with a face that showed that he/she was lost, hopeless, alone, defeated and dying inside sitting on the street or anywhere. I had always have the urged to help to brighten up their days, even just for a few second to see their sincere smile, not a smirk, not a losing smile. A real smile. Taking a deep breath, I tried my best to forget about everything for awhile. If it was not for his helpless, pale face, I would not consider bringing a conversation up.

"Are you unwell?" That was the dumbest question ever right at that moment. My voice broke from all the crying, and I just sounded pathetic. His face did not show if he was surprised when he turned to me. His brownish eyes looked watery and hopeless, he did not smile, nor did he frown; his expression was flat.

"Who could ever be well in this kind of place?" Now that was formal, I thought. The voice was soft, and reasonable, I was just glad he was not mad. His eyes kept staring over the space in front of him, his hands clasped together under his chin, as if he was praying. I relaxed, glad that he did not see my red face.

"You look pale, is all."

"Probably because of the cold." He sighed. And I thought he must be in such situation like I did.

I was not sure what else to say, until I saw the special army bracelet he was wearing. "You're an army?"

He glanced at me, before looking down to his left wrist, and nodded. "Yeah. Physically." He unclasped both his hands and put it in his jacket's pocket as he leaned on the bench.

"You must have done a lot of help in your life for your country..." I smiled though my face seemed to be frozen as my tears dried.

He stared at me for a moment, and I was afraid I said something sensitive for him, so I looked everywhere but him, waiting. "Sometimes... But like I said, I'm only physically an army. What's your name, if I may be bold enough to ask?"

I smiled again, loving the way he spoke so formal. "A true army, a true soldier is always based upon what he aims honestly in his heart, so only he knows whether he is a true army, physically or not. And my name is Mia."

"You're... You're right. But I am not so sure what is it I aim for as a true soldier after seeing so many death in front of my eyes, so many bloodshed, so many innocent souls dying," he sighed again, "my name's Martin. I'm actually visiting Brunei for a few days now."

"But it's the risk of being a soldier, no? Plus, you're never alone in seeing people dying, we all do, we all will. And welcome to Brunei, sir." I smile again, trying to ease the tense moment growing around us because I could not believe we were talking about dying people in front of a cemetery.

"How old are you? You seemed... Very young. Forgive me." He suddenly spun and turned his body to face me. I was so taken aback I did not know what to do. I bit my lips as I stole a glance to my watch. 8.15 A.M.

"I'm seventeen." I replied shortly.

"Young yet wise, huh?" For the first time since I saw him, he gave me a slow, sincere smile. It fits him very well, he should smile more. I smiled back, unsure of what to say.

"I'm twenty-five old." He said, still smiling. I arched my eyebrow and smile politely. I did not think he could be twenty five, he looked younger than that, he looked like twenty. His face was all clean shaved but I could see a short scar on his left cheek.

"Ah, it's not that old. When you're still twenty, you're still teeny. I'm glad you could smile, I'm happy to see that." I smile again, and as per usual, anyone whose smile was sincere and light, that would already be enough for me to make me smile.

"Thank you. It has been a hell of a morning." He smiled again, this time with a pair of sad eyes.

"Same here, sire. Just like I told you, never alone." I smiled back, and stood up. "But... I think I have to go now, it's almost 9, and I have work to do." I looked at him apologetically.

"Oh well let me walk you. Where are you going?" He abruptly stood up too.

"To the bus stop just at the front. You don't need to do that-"

He stopped me from talking and bow slightly as to let me lead him to the front gate. I sighed and smiled at him before walking down to the gate and led us towards the main roadside. "I never actually asked you... Are you... visiting a friend?" I slowly pointed towards the cemetery that we were about to pass.

He was tall beside me, I envied him. "Yes, a former great army. My best buddy. After 3 years, I still couldn't forget him. He was a Bruneian, hence the grave is here." We were silent for awhile. Then he asked me, "What about you?"

I swallowed, telling my tears not to pour down once again as the thought suddenly strike me. "My little brother, not by blood. But he's my light, and he still is. He has only been gone for a month, so... it's not that long yet for me." I smiled as we walk towards the bus stop.

"I'm sorry for your loss..." He was almost whispering. We stood silently beside each other under the bus stop. Waiting for the bus to came and letting the sun dried our tears up. He shoved his hands in his pocket, shuffling his feet. The silence was uncomfortable for me, it made my mind kept thinking about Mario, and how he is holding up. I glanced back to where we walked from and saw the cemetery fading away. I whispered in my heart : Little one, I have to go for now. But like you already know, I would never leave you, you're always in my heart. I will come back soon, and tell you what I should tell you. I love you... I smiled for awhile and before Martin could spot it, I found the bus coming over. Martin finally looked down on me and smile sincerely.

"Time to go?"

"Yeap. You're not going to be lost right?" I grinned.

"I've been visiting Brunei for the past three years, Mia, don't worry," he chuckled. I smiled wider. The bus came to a halt in front of us and I took a few steps forward to the opened door.

"Wait. Mia, my personal card." Martin went up beside me and handed me the blue card as he shook my hand. I looked down on it before looking back up on him.

"Well thank you for this." I waved the card at him.

"Consider me a call anytime, will you?" He bend his head to the right slightly and grinned.

I chuckled, "Of course. Oh, and remember. He who stand, fight and save his country, his people, his family, his friends and himself is the truest warrior out there. So when you have fought, you have tried, you have saved, but there are still death, don't worry, the dead knew who you are, saw who you are, witnessed who you are, and if it makes your heart break, think of the one who are alive, and is still needed to be saved. They needed you, Mr. Army." I grinned quickly and waved at him before stepping up into the bus and quickly found a sit beside the window closer to where he stood.

We waved at each other before the driver drove us apart. He mouthed the words thank you and I smiled at him. And I was still smiling after he was long gone behind and thought about Mario. I wish I could tell him about how fortunate it was for me to meet a stranger and make a new friends again. Especially when I was able to help him smile. It had been awhile since I helped a stranger, and I missed doing it.

I missed the peacefulness that flew into my heart as soon as I saw a stranger smile sincerely.

I missed Mario. I missed how his smile had always brought a peaceful and calm state into my self, and brought me an endless inspiration. Since the first time I saw Mario's pure smile, I had always loved smiling, and loved everyone else to smile. And would always want to do everything I could to make them smile. Mario had taught me a lot of things, without him knowing it. If only he could be here longer, with me, I would be so much better than I am now. He would have told me little more than just this, and I could have witnessed how he grown up, how he matured easily, how he put a meaning into someone else's life. He was just so little...

So little that he did not deserve for the pain that he suffer.

How I wish to exchange his place to mine.

I wish...

I miss you Mario, little one. Yesterday, today, and forever. No one knows how much you mean to me, how much you have change my life after six years together. You have never spoke to me, but how great it was your impact that have gotten into my life. You are one brave boy, you have fought through your life in pain yet still you can make other small people just like me to be happy, and I know you are the real warrior out there. You never give up in your life though the pain was unbearable. You're so brave, so strong... I love you.